Intense Incense

A bead of sweat drips down my head, falling onto my foot. I am in agony. We’re 45 minutes in to an hour long torture session paid for by my academic institution.

I’ve never done yoga before, but about a week ago, I tried it for the first time. Thinking it would be a kind
of weird, yet relaxing experience, I actually looked forward to it. My joints shudder at how wrong I was.

I fall down for the 5th time of this stretch, which has me balancing on one leg and sticking the other one out in an awkward manner. I feel what I imagine to be my spinal fusion trying to burst out of my lower back. Every one “oms.” I’m weirded out.

I remember even joking about becoming a yogi before even trying it. Anticipation built as we walked up
the stairs to start the session. After talking to the yoga lady, every took off their shoes and socks
(except for me and Crosby, who opted to keep our socks on), and prepared to begin the session.

Someone passes gas, I try my hardest and fail trying not to laugh. A couple of minutes later, bent over trying to stick my other leg up into the air, my joints are crying for mercy. I pray for the end.

The lady began the session by talking to us for a bit about chakra or something funky like that. I
remember she had the fattest lip of coca in I’d ever seen. She then told us to lay down on the matts.
Just as Catie had gotten comfortable on hers with her eyes closed, I watched a woman walk in, stand
over her, and drop her entire bag on Catie’s head. It was a highlight of the session.

The instructor turn off the lights for a few minutes for what I presume to be nap time. She then turns the lights back on. We’re done. With glee I run into the storage room, grab my shoes, and make my way to the exit. Barely still alive, I limp back to the hotel/hostel.

Ultimately, I’m glad I partook in the experience. It’s for sure not my thing though. I was pretty sore
afterwards for around two days, especially in my shoulders. I think that my inflexibility and incompetence
deeply upset the pregnant woman beside me, who had brought her own incense and tea. The
soon-to-be mother also did the hardest variation of every single stretch. I likely won’t try yoga again, but
in the future I will have a newfound respect for those who do.